ya Rabb... teach me to love...

Ya Rabb, Engkaulah alasan semua kehidupan ini..
Engkaulah penjelasan atas semua kehidupan ini..
Perasaan itu datang dariMu..
Semua perasaan itu juga akan kembali kepadaMu..
Kami hanya menerima titipan..
Dan semua itu ada sungguh karenaMu..

Katakanlah wahai semua pencinta di dunia..
Katakanlah ikrar cinta itu hanya karenaNya..
Katakanlah semua kehidupan itu hanya karena Allah..
Katakanlah semua getar-rasa itu hanya karena Allah..

Dan semoga Allah yang Maha Mencinta, yang Menciptakan dunia dengan kasih-sayang mengajarkan kita tentang cinta sejati..
Semoga Allah memberikan kesempatan kepada kita untuk merasakan hakikatNya..
Semoga Allah sungguh memberikan kesempatan kepada kita untuk memandang wajahNya..
Wajah yang akan membuat semua cinta dunia layu bagai kecambah yang tidak pernah tumbuh..
Layu bagai api yang tak pernah panas membakar..
Layu bagai sebongkah es yang tidak membeku..

Tere Liye, (Hafalan Sholat Delisa)

my dearest Salma....

Dengarlah anakku,
Kau dan aku sama
Menjalani hidup
Hidup penuh coba

Jangan bimbang lagi
Teruslah melangkah
Ada aku disini
Yang ‘kan menemani

Hanya cinta yang ‘kan selalu
hadir dalam sgala sepi
Hanya cinta yang ‘kan selalu
bisa kau harapkan dalam
menjalani hidup

Yakinlah anakku,
Kasihi semua
Tanpa terkecuali
Dan tanpa kembali

Hidup ‘kan berarti
Dengan mencintai
Niat jujur dan tulus
Takkan pernah mati

Hanya cinta yang ‘kan selalu
hadir dalam sgala duka
Hanya cinta yang ‘kan selalu
bisa kau berikan dalam
mensyukuri hidup

Hanya cinta yang ‘kan selalu
menyembuhkan sgala luka
Hanya cinta yang ‘kan selalu
bisa membuktikan semua
keindahan hidup 

(Marcell)

I can't live without u baby... :'(

I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave
My heart won't move, it's incomplete
Wish there was a way that I can make you understand

But how do you expect me
to live alone with just me
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there
It's no air, no air

Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gonna be without me
If you ain't here, I just can't breathe
It's no air, no air

I can't live without you baby... :'(

aku takut...

aku takut....

aku takut kalo kamu pergi....

aku takut ga bisa contact sama kamu lagi...

aku takut... takut kamu hilang dari hidupku...

:(

please... jangan pergi dari hidupku yaaaaaaaa...

be strong my friends...

teman2ku yang kucinta karena Allah...

mari kita kuatkan hati dan langkah kita ditengah jihad dunia kita masing2...

hidup ini tidak mudah...

tetapi apapun yang tengah kita jalani saat ini semoga menjadi sarana menjadikan kita hamba pilihan yang Allah cinta...

I know it never easy... but keep fight and pray because Allah is always be with us...

loving you...

thank you Allah... as You always teaches me how to love.. It supports me to get closer to You.. thank you for this chance even nobody can explain what's the reason behind this.. but enough for me to know that Your love is the reason why You gave me this second chance.. thank you for all the times You've given Yaa Rabb.. :)

my dark chocolate...

dear you...


I'm just happy to recieved your text today...


thank u to text me in your hectic flying times...


and you make me feel miss you so bad...


please God... tell him...


I miss my dark chocolate so bad... :D

aku pasrah....

Ya Allah aku pasrah.. berikan aku kesabaran seluas angkasa-Mu menghadapi dunia ini.. Ringankan hatiku seringan kapas dalam menapaki perjalanan hidup, sehingga aku dapat berjalan tegap dengan kakiku sendiri... Kumohon Ya Rahman...

"Tears are words the heart can't say"

Don't You Remember...

When will I see you again?
You left with no goodbye, not a single word was said,
No final kiss to seal any seams,
I had no idea of the state we were in,

I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness,
And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head,

But don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

When was the last time you thought of me?
Or have you completely erased me from your memory?
I often think about where I went wrong,
The more I do, the less I know,

But I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness,
And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head,

But don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

Gave you the space so you could breathe,
I kept my distance so you would be free,
And hope that you find the missing piece,
To bring you back to me,

Why don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

When will I see you again?

by. Adele

for you there... I know you have a good reason behind this... you left me for something better for you and me... may Allah save you heart and your love... :'(

*full "moon" last night.. I know you saw it too in other part of this world*

if he isn't for me... :'(

 

 

Ya Allah..

..then take him away from me. If I can't have him in this dunya, allow me to forget him. If he isnt the one that will love me, raise children with me, and have us live together.. than take him away and have me forget.
But if Your plans prove otherwise, allow me to be so close to You Ya Allah. Let our struggles be for Your sake and bless us with patience and courage. Humble us and protect us oh Allah.
And ya Allah; Guide me!

please remember Him..

“Wherever you are, whatever you are doing, wherever you are going: don’t forget to remember Allah. No matter how many slip up you’ve had or sins you’ve fallen into, the door is not closed, it’s still open: remember to return to Allah.”

dear you.....

When I forget, please remind me..

When I sin, tell me to repent...

When I fear, tell me there is hope.. 

When I cry over my sins, let me be.. 

When I slip, pull me up.. 

When I have hardship, remind of my test.. 

When you love me, don't love me for me.. 

I am nothing but a servant of Allah SW..

so love me for His sake.. 

specially for someone whose name has already written by Allah in Lauhuh Mahfudz for me... :)

the love of Ar-Rahman...

Don't be sad if ALLAH separates you with something or someone you love..
If we only knew what HIS plans were for us...
Our heart would melt with the warmth of HIS love...
Allahumma'i.....

I surrender to You my Lord....

it's hard to say goodbye... :'(

why people jugde....?

I'm trying to understand every single thing that happen in my life..
maybe silent would be the best thing that I have to choose...
friends...
I think that I can share everything...
but actually I'm wrong...
I think they would be understand all the conditions...
but once again I'm wrong...

but thank u to Allah...
for all of these...
as the truth it disappointed me so...
for all their judgement...
but I'm trying to understand for differences in our heads...

just let Allah the one who knows who I am...
let only Allah who knows that I really want to share with them...
just need a little time to solve all my problems first...
I always want to share as much as I can with them...
alhamdulillah.. it made me can talk more and more to Allah about all my wounds...
but maybe I will keep in silent...
and hold all my problems only with my own hands...

I never thought about this before...
thank u Allah... once again You reminds me that they're not the right place for me to put all my story...

sorry guys... since now I will keep it by my self...
but it won't be change my love for all you...
Allah who knows how much I love you guys... :)

thank u ALLAH...

thank u ALLAH as You answer my prayer...
thank u ALLAH as You helped me to solve it...
thank u ALLAH as You're always here with me...
thank u ALLAH as You teach me to be more patience...

ya ALLAH...
You're not always give me what I want...
but You're always give me what I need in the right time...

You guide me to see the world from the different side...
You lead me to find that way...

when I'm stuck with all the conditions in my life...
I just need to sit on my "sajadah" and talk to You...
sometimes my mouth still in silent...
but just let my heart talk to You...
and You know what's the inside more than I know...

You also teach me to love him with unexpected...
just let this feeling flow with the times...
and I know You have a great plan for me as You let me met him since the first time...
and I hope with all the feeling to love him will make me can love You more and more...
maybe it's also Your way to give support for me..

now...
I just try to love him in the simple way... as He told me...
and also love him with unexpected...
just let Your hands make it us together or not...
but I believe I will find beautiful ending story about him...
insyaAllah...

thank u ALLAH for everything...
I also try to love You more and more in everyday...
I love You my Rabb...

August 4th....

today... ten years ago...

it was the time I started this journey...
when we made the commitment in front of God...
then we have the greatest present ever...
our beloved "Salma Adriani Putri"...

I still remember that day...
seems like it's just happened yesterday...
then I know I wasn't there...

I'm standing here...
I know it's already over now...
It's just a memory...
even not a beautiful memory...
cause it has created pain in our new life...
the pain that we never know when it will be end and stop to hurting us...

the only one that I won't regret...
We've learned from all...
Allah has showed us the "real life"...
and we grow stronger...

I know that I'm not alone...
cause Allah always be there for me and Salma to get trough our life...

thank u Allah...
as You always here for us...
and thank u so much for gave me...
"the most beautiful girl" in my life... Salma...

it's time to let go... :'(

I hope this is the last night I remember everything about you...

yes... really I have to go...

You will soon enter into a covenant with her...

as the truth... it breaks me so...

no one beside me... I cry...

I keep my eyes on you...

but I have to let go of all our memories...

too beautiful... but too hurt to know the truth...

that you're not mine...

I will try to run away...

but even I don't know where should I run to...

the only one place for me to go...

I bend my knees and pray for the strength from God...

tell Him all about my wounds...

it's not your fault...

it's just my way that God gave me to learn...

I will try to enjoy this pain...

until I understand the reason that you have come to my life...

and I will smile to the world after this...

ya Allah...

this is my heart temptation... I know...

I have to turn my heart to You...

and the only for You...

so I close my heart today to other...

so there's only You inside...

no matter how hard.. as long as You beside me ...

I can be strong to pass it...

you there...

in wherever you are... just keep remember Allah in every step you make....

I pray in silent here for your happiness with her...

and I will always remember you as my beautiful memory...

I just hope this is the last time of losing for me...

and I won't let anyone come inside my heart until Allah send me the last person who will walk with 'til I die...

i don't wanna be a hater...

He said...
to love in the simple way...
because something that we love too much...
it would be something we hated most...

but I hope I never hate anybody in this world...
cause it will be hinder the Grace and the Love of Allah for me..
just trying to forgive and to love them who made pains in my life...
as the way I live in God's way...

thank you to them cause they made me feel stronger...:)

dear haters...

just do what you wanna do...

I will open up my heart...

just come inside...

so I release my heart from you...

and I don't wanna be like you...

it's just bitter...

do not fight what we feel...
just feel the pain...
just feel the bitterness...
until this heart get used to with all these feelings...
the desire to have it like we want to achieve the star as too high expectations...
because love it should be...
can only be feels for our own self...

you will never understand this.... :(

*lunch time and just staying in my room (office)

first "Ramadhan" and first "August"...

It's so special month...
Ramadhan is always the month that I've been waiting for...
My second Ramadhan with alone...
Alhamdulillah... that Allah still give chance to be here and enjoy this Ramadhan in my imperfect life...

August...??
why is it to be so special too...?
just because in the end of this month is "Your Birthday"...?
and it coincides with the feast of Eid al-Fitr...
wow...!
but I don't know I will be there to say something to you or maybe I will just pray in silent to Allah...
really I don't know...


I've already walked out from you for couple weeks...
and tried just looked at the sky if I remember you...
but you came just to take my eyes back at you..
and everything still unclear for me...


maybe I'm just stupid...
cause as the truth I'm still standing here...
why should March 24 came to my life...
if it's just makes me stuck with this feeling...?
many times I've tried to move on..
but everything what you've done makes me feel so hard to let go of this feeling...
and I'm still here with pain now...
I think you're not stupid as you don't know how does it feel...
you just try not to look at it...


I don't know for how many times you will make it worst...???
why don't you just let me go...?
seems like we never met since 10 years ago...
just think that my birthday 10 years ago is the last time we've talked and never talk each other until today...
maybe it would makes me easy to leave you...


cause I don't wanna see you go and leave me...
so let me do it first before you...
cause I just want to remember you as the nicest one that I used to know you...
and let our teen memories never change.. it was about us as we were teens only...

ya Allah...

I surrender to You...

just let it flow... and let it happen as Your plan for me...

and I hope this beautiful Ramadhan will be the right time for me look at You... just only You...

heart and feel will never can choose the right place to be fall... and it's just happened unpredictable..

pieces of heart...

I will never forget the days we once had

The days when you were everything to me

My mind used to tell me we'd be together forever

But now I realize that was all a big dream

The feelings I have for you will never go

I wish I could take back that one regretful day

The day when I willingly let you slide from my arm

Never did I think of the astonishing pain of regrets

That I would once have to live through

The sight of you in someone else's arm

Makes my heart shatter into a million pieces

I sometimes wonder if you still think of me

Or if to you, I'm just a face in the crowd

I wish so very much that one day we can have it all back

But for now, I'll sit here silently

Remembering all the memories we once shared

Everyday my love grows much stronger

Hoping that one day you will feel the same

And put back the pieces of my broken heart

by Crystal Holtz

I've been living my alone

trying to get you out of my life

but after all this time

I can't help myself from crying

coz I'm missing you so much........

Talking To The "Moon"....

I know you're somewhere out there

Somewhere far away

I want you back

I want you back

My neighbors think

I'm crazy

But they don't understand

You're all I have

You're all I have

At night when the stars

light up my room

I sit by myself

Talking to the "Moon"

Trying to get to You

In hopes you're on

the other side

Talking to me too

Or am I a fool

who sits alone

Talking to the moon

I'm feeling like I'm famous

The talk of the town

They say

I've gone mad

I've gone mad

But they don't know

what I know

Cause when the

sun goes down

someone's talking back

They're talking back

I wonder why everytime I'm trying to move on... you come just to drag me back...

how can I not love you...? What do I tell my heart...?

beautiful As-Syams....

In the name of Allah , the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful

By the sun and its brightness..
And by the moon when it follows it..
And by the day when it displays it..
And by the night when it covers it..
And by the sky and He who constructed it..
And by the earth and He who spread it..
And by the soul and He who proportioned it..
And inspired it with discernment of its wickedness and its righteousness..
He has succeeded who purifies it..
And he has failed who instills it with corruption..
Thamud denied [their prophet] by reason of their transgression..
When the most wretched of them was sent forth..
And the messenger of Allah Salih said to them, "[Do not harm] the she-camel of Allah or prevent her from her drink.."
But they denied him and hamstrung her. So their Lord brought down upon them destruction for their sin and made it equal upon all of them..
And He does not fear the consequence thereof..

"demi matahari dan sinarnya dipagi hari.... demi bulan apabila Ia mengiringi... demi siang apabila Ia menampakan diri... demi malam apabila Ia menutupi... demi langit dan seluruh binaanNya... demi bumi serta yang ada dihamparannya... demi jiwa dan seluruh penyempurnannya.. Allah menciptakan sukma ketaqwaan dan kefasikan... beruntunglah bagi yang mensucikan... merugilah bagi yang mengotorinya..."

love...??????

sepintas sayup2 terdengar talk show Mario Teguh "Golden Ways"...
"cinta itu sementara... sayang itu abadi..."

lalu menonton bagian akhir talk show "just Alvin"...
life must go on....
tentang beberapa perempuan yang "batal" menuju pernikahan...
perjuangan mereka bangkit kembali dari keterpurukan karena "cinta"...
hilangnya kepercayaan terhadap kaum hawa...
membawa mereka semakin giat bekerja...
fokus terhadap karier...
meraih segala kesempatan yang ada...
Sandy Aulia bilang : "pada waktu yang tepat, tempat yang tepat dan pria yang tepat"...
Anya Dwinov bilang : "losing makes us be stronger"...
soal "jodoh"... yaaaa pasrahkan kembali kepadaNya...
setujuuuuu dengan ini...

menjelang tidur bbm-an agak sedikit gila dengan salah satu sahabatku...
kita bilang kalo kita ini JoJoBa alias Jomblo Jomblo Bahagia... hahahaha..
ada sedikit kata yang agak extreme and menggelitik tentang "cinta"...
"cinta itu limited... sayang itu unlimited... cinta itu bullshit... sayang itu so sweet"...
"anti cinta tapi sayang semua"....
belajar buat kebalin hati... hehehehe...

inti dari semuanya tetep kembali kepadaNya...

cinta itu sebenernya suci... tapi cuma ada satu cinta yaitu cinta Allah...

karena "keabadian" itu hanya milikNya...

sementara manusia sifatnya hanya sementara...

nothing lasts forever except God...

jadi kembali belajar dan belajar lagi mencintaiNya sepenuh hati...

semoga kelak hati kita dipenuhi oleh cintaNya...

only HIS love that never make us fall... :)

now... say no to "love" for a while until Allah guide my heart to find it in the right time, in the right place and for the right person... just focus for my salma, my career, and move on to find better life as a single parent... say no for man but say yes for friends... :D

berdamai dengan hati....

people come and go in our life...
and we have to realize it...

ketika semua kenangan itu terbuka lebar...
aku memandangnya dengan senyum...
yang kemudian menghadirkan rasa dihati...
memunculkan sebuah harapan baru...
dan akhirnya semua hilang disaat harapan itu terus tumbuh...
aaahhhh.... sakit....

bbm-an singkat dengan mei hari ini...
membahas tentang bagaimana akhirnya dia harus kehilangan "donut" dari masa lalunya itu...
hhhmmmm... aku tahu persis bagaimana rasanya...
siapa yang salah...???
keadaan kah...???
donut2 itu datang disaat yang "tidak tepat" mungkin...
mereka datang dalam kehidupan kami disaat kami tengah terluka...
sehingga sedikit rasa manis yang donut2 itu hadirkan dalam hidup kami...
membuat kami terlalu menikmati rasa manisnya itu...
padahal kami tak mengetahui seberapa lama manisnya akan bertahan...

dan disaat donut2 itu tidak boleh kami nikmati lagi rasa manisnya...
kami bingung... karena "rasa" itu sudah terlanjur hadir dihati kami...

mungkin kesalahan kami adalah terlalu menikmati donut itu sepenuh hati...
satu hal kami anggap ini adalah "pembelajaran" untuk kami..
the donuts are too sweet for us...
klo makan sesuatu yang terlalu manis terkadang bikin sakit kepala juga khan...? hehehe...

akhirnya kami hanya berperang dengan hati ketika kami harus menjauh dari donut2 itu...
berusaha membunuh segala "rasa" yang ada...
meskipun kadang2 kami tau semakin kuat kami berusaha membunuh "rasa" itu...
semakin terasa menyiksa...
kami tetap tertawa, kami tetap tersenyum...
seolah-olah tidak terjadi apa2 dalam hidup kami...
padahal kami tengah menahan rasa yang ada dihati kami...

akhirnya memang hanya "berdamai dengan hati" adalah solusi yang terbaik bagi hati kami saat ini...

akupun demikian...
berusaha tetap berfikir dan menjalani hidup hanya dengan akal sehat...
berusaha membuat hati "kebal" terhadap rasa...
membangun mimpi bersama salmaku tersayang...
bangkit berdiri sebagai perempuan yang mandiri...

cinta...???
hanya berusaha terus meletakan cintaku pada Rabbku didasar hatiku yang terdalam...
berusaha mencintaiNya... dan terus mencintaiNya...
sendiriku adalah waktu bagiku untuk terus belajar lebih mencintaiNya...
disaat tak ada siapa pun yang bisa kuajak berbagi...
disaat itulah aku bercerita padaNya semua yang kurasakan...
disaat aku menatap langit... ada cintaNya melalui "bulan" dan "bintang2"...
disaat aku memandang sekelilingku... ada cintaNya melaui angin dan udara yang kuhirup...

ya Allah...

bantu aku melepaskan semua "rasa" yang ada dihatiku...

biarlah ruang hatiku kosong... sampai CintaMu yang akan mengisi kekosongan itu...

ya Allah...

apabila Engkau akan hadirkan seseorang untukku...

hadirkan "dia" yang juga barusaha meletakan cintaMu dihatinya...

ya Allah...

apabila Engkau menghendaki aku untuk tetap sendiri...

jadikan kesendirian yang mampu hadirkan kebahagiaan untukku dan orang2 dskelilingku yang kusayang...

it's really hard to let go of something that I want to hold on...

I wish you could know it someday...

high school love story... :D

it's my first romantic movie with salma....
hehehehe...
lucu juga tiba2 salma rekomen fim ini...
"Milly n Nathan"...
ringan aja sih jalan ceritanya tentang "high school love story" yang begitu melekat dihati seorang Milly...

serasa mundur 15 tahun kebelakang... *glek! :D

kembali ke hati dan rasa...
bukan lamanya perjalanan bersama dengan pasangan yang membuat rasa itu terasa kuat...
waktu bukanlah faktor utamanya...
lamanya waktu tidak pernah menjamin indahnya kenangan itu...
lamanya waktu juga belum tentu membuat kita mampu melupakan semua kenangan itu...
bahkan sebuah perjalanan singkat mampu hadirkan sebuah kenangan yang tak terhapuskan...

ketika semua orang mengatakan untuk "move on"...
hati tetap tak bergeming... dan diam ditempat...
karena "rasa" yang begitu kuat...

tetapi rasa itu kini telah membawaku ke batas sebuah rasa yang tak lagi berharap...
karena Allah tetap hadirkannya dalam kisah hidupku....

you...

you're always here around me in my hardest time...

you didn't say anything...

you didn't do anything...

but your present is also my strength to pass this hardest time...

I can see you real in my eyes...

I can hear your voice in my ears...

even I can't touch you anymore...

you teach me anything, happy, sad, glad and more...

you also teach me to love you with unexpected...

God is the only one but we are not the same...

God brings you back in my life as my bestfriend in the right time...

it's always a space in my heart and there's you inside...

ya Allah...

thank you for this chance...

to see he's real...

You're the one who really know what's in my heart...

I know this is my heart temptation...

now You teach me how do I have to love You with all my heart...

and this "love" would bring me to my sincerity as the way I Love You my Rabb...

I just wish for all the happiness for his life...

and someday he'd know You closer... and he'd feel Your love...

even he won't be mine... 

happiness and sadness are always in one package to enjoy in our life...

Semua Tentang Kita... dulu...

Waktu terasa semakin berlalu 
Tinggalkan cerita tentang kita 
Akan tiada lagi kini tawamu 
Tuk hapuskan semua sepi di hati 

Ada cerita tentang aku dan dia 
Dan kita bersama saat dulu kala 
Ada cerita tentang masa yang indah 
Saat kita berduka saat kita tertawa 

Teringat di saat kita tertawa bersama 
Ceritakan semua tentang kita
 
Ada cerita tentang aku dan dia 
Dan kita bersama saat dulu kala 
Ada cerita tentang masa yang indah 
Saat kita berduka saat kita tertawa

by. Peterpan

People and feelings may change. But some place and some memories will last forever in our hearts....

it's our first trip...

salma's on the train

salma is so excited...

sabtu pagi, 18 Juni 2011
sudah sampai di Stasiun Gambir jam 05.30 pagi...
seneng rasanya... melihat salmaku semangat keluar dari taksi dengan menggendong tas backpack polcadotnya sendiri... dia berlari memasuki stasiun kereta... aku memang sengaja mengajaknya menggunakan transportasi umum... yang pastinya menambah pengalaman baru untuknya... setelah mengantri tiket kami pun berjalan menuju dimana kereta "Cirebon Express" berada...

our lunch at Cirebon

salma berjalan dengan begitu mandiri... dia duduk bersebelahan dengan rani... aku membiarkan salma duduk terpisah dariku... hanya ingin melihat kemandiriannya... perjalanan menggunakan kereta api ini sangat membuatnya terkesan... sampai2 salma yang biasanya susah makan mampu menghabiskan "nasi kebuli" buatan mamakei (thanks mam... :* ) dengan lahapnya... pastinya karena efek naik kereta ini... alhamdulillah kami tiba di Kota Cirebon jam 09.00... perjalanan dilalui bebas hambatan tanpa rewel... :D

me and my baby

tujuan kami sebenarnya ke kota Majalengka tempat dimana mamam erika dan chacha tinggal... tapi sebelumnya kami berputar - putar di Kota Cirebon... melihat pemandangan kota Cirebon ini... hehehehe...
kemudian di malam hari kami wisata kuliner ke Kota Kuningan... alhamdulillah taste makanan kampung memang selalu dahsyat dilidahku... dan alhamdulillahnya lagi salma pun sangat menikamati semuanya... mengingat selama ini dia agak pilih2 soal makanan... :D

my besties ever

Minggu, 19 Juni 2011
memulai lagi perjalanan kembali ke Kota Kuningan yang ditempuh hanya dengan 40 menit saja... untuk belanja belanji makanan khas daerah itu... menuruni bukit perjalanan cukup seru... melihat pemandangan sekeliling yang dipenuhi dengan sawah dan pegunungan dan segarnya udara menambah keceriaan kami hari itu... kami berkeliling sampai sore hari kami kembali ke Kota Majalengka... salma sangat menikmati semuanya...

salma's sleeping without me :)

Senin, 20 Juni 2011
waktunya kami kembali ke Jakarta tapi sebelumnya kami akan mampir ke Kota Bandung untuk kembali wisata kuliner... hwaaaaaa... makan melulu ya...??? heheheh... :D
kami memulai perjalanan pada siang hari... setelah menikmati "serabi telor" yang super duper enak itu... selama di Majalengka kami disuguhi menu wajib "serabi telor" dan "tahu samara"...
hadeuuuuuuh... seminggu dsini bisa berantakan nih badan... hahahahaha...
perjalanannya cukup lama dari Kota Majalengka menuju Bandung memakan waktu sekitar 4 jam 30 menit... tetapi pemandangannya indah selama perjalan karena banyaknya pegunungan... meskipun agak sedikit repot karena signal BB naik turun...

she's enjoying her "es duren"

sesampainya di Bandung kami langsung menuju ke "bakso Akung" tempat langganan kami yang sudah dua tahun ini tak kami kunjungi... hhhmmmm... terobati rasa kangen kami... alhamdulillah...
ada sedikit insiden kecil sepulang dari "bakso Akung"... mungkin salma sedikit teringat dengan kenangan tempat ini... dia sempat meneteskan air mata karena teringat kenangan kami ketika masih bersama dengan papanya... setelah diberi sedikit pengertian akhirnya dia mengerti bahwa semuanya ini adalah perjalanan yang memang harus kami jalani bersama... apapun keadaannya kami harus tetap berjalan...

bakso Akung yameeeeh :p

akhirnya kami mengakhiri "trip" kami ini kembali ke Jakarta dengan menggunakan jasa travel... agak sedikit susah ternyata karena hampir semua travel full booked... sambil kejar2an dengan waktu, alhamdulillah kami akhirnya mendapatkan travel yang meskipun aku harus turun naik karena pemberhentiannya agak sedikit jauh dari tempat tinggal kami...
setelah tiba di Jakarta aku berpisah dengan yang lainnya dan menumpang taksi yang hanya aku dan salma saja... dia tertidur pulas di pangkuanku... kubelai wajahnya...
selama perjalanan menuju rumah, aku membatin sendiri... yeaaaaaay...!! I can do it by my self... :)

salmaku...

we can make it baby...

it's our first long trip without your pa...

and we can enjoy it all...
our life is gonna be okay without him...
trust me... we'll be better...
and I'll do everything for you only with my hands...
let's smile and tell to the world that we're okay baby...

alhamdulillah...

thank u Ya Rabb...

for our new journey...

thank u for all smiles in her face...

the moments we share together

thank you... bunda winda, mamam erika, chacha dan rani for our beautiful moments... love u all... *smooch 

tega.....

I know it's not the right time for me to expect your love anymore...

there's someone beside you already...

and it's time for me to put out the "light" in my heart...

no matter how it's feel...

I have to move on...

I'm very sorry I should walk away from you...

thank you for all our beautiful memories...

ya Allah...

please give me strength to leave it all...


full moon after the eclipse
16062011

Angel Of Mine

You are everything I need to see 

Smile and sunlight makes sunlight to me 

Laugh and come and look into me 

Drips of moonlight washing over me 

Can I show you what you are for me 

Angel of mine, can I thank you 

You have saved me time and time again 

Angel, I must confess 

It's you that always gives me strength 

And I don't know where I'd be without you 

After all these years, one thing is true 

Constant voice within my heart is you 

You touch me, I feel I'm moving into you 

I treasure every day I spend with you 

All the things I am come down to you 

Angel of mine 

Let me thank you 

You have saved me time and time again 

Angel, I must confess 

It's you that always gives me strength 

And I don't know where I'd be without you 

by. Evanescence

si cacing dan kotoran kesayangannya

alhamdulillah...
dapet lagi inspiring book yang bagus...
seorang Buddhis Ajahn Brahm...
mengajak kita menyelami diri kita...
mengoreksi sikap dan pandangan kita terhadap kehidupan...

sering kali diri dan pemikiran kita terfokus pada setitik ketidaksempurnaan hidup...
sehingga kita mengabaikan titik2 lainnya yang membuat hidup menuju sempurna...
tidak jarang kita pun terjebak dalam ketakutan-ketakutan dalam menjalani hidup...
selama ini rasanya kita tidak menikmati waktu hidup yang Tuhan berikan...
kita sibuk dengan berfikir, rasa khawatir, rasa takut...
bahkan kita sudah melupakan bagaimana cara mencintai diri sendiri...
astaghfirullah...

berdasarkan teori kaizen yang disampaikan oleh Pak Ary Ginanjar Agustian...
"ambil yang baik, buang yang buruk dan ciptakan sesuatu yang baru yang lebih baik"...

buku ini mengajak kita menertawakan segala kebodohan yang pernah kita lakukan semasa hidup...
meskipun diangkat dari kisah2 seorang biksu tetapi banyak makna dari cerita yang dapat kita petik...

bagaimana kita harus bisa membuka hati terhadap sesuatu yang tidak kita sukai...
untuk pencapaian kata "ikhlas" mungkin ya...
bagaimana kita melakukan sebuah proses pemaafan yang penuh atas segala sesuatu yang mengecewakan...
bagaimana melepaskan rasa takut dari dalam diri...
bagaimana menghadapi kesedihan karena kehilangan...
bagaimana kita membebaskan hati secara positif...
yang paling menarik adalah "bahwa diri kita sangat wajib untuk kita cintai"

jujur... akupun belum dapat sepenuhnya mengaplikasikan dalam kehidupan sehari-hari...
tetapi buku ini sangat membantu membuka pikiran...
bagaimana mengatasi rasa kehilangan yang saat ini tengah kujalani...
sangat membantu mengikhlaskan hati menghadapi segala bentuk perlakuan tidak baik orang lain terhadap diriku saat ini...
dan membuka hatiku untuk dapat menyayangi siapa pun dengan hati yang lapang...
meskipun rasa sakit masih sering mendera hati...
tetapi perlahan pun aku belajar menikmati rasa sakit itu...

apapun yang kamu lakukan...

pintu hatiku akan selalu terbuka untukmu...

megacinta,

Ajahn Brahm

thanks to my besties Hery Noel n bunda Winda for suggest this book... hope we can learn together how to live good in our imperfect life... and learn how love each other just the way we are and true...

My Immortal

I'm so tired of being here

Suppressed by all my childish fears

And if you have to leave

I wish that you would just leave

Your presence still lingers here

And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears

And I held your hand through all of these years

But you still have

All of me

You used to captivate me

By your resonating light

Now I'm bound by the life you left behind

Your face it haunts

My once pleasant dreams

Your voice it chased away

All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone

But though you're still with me

I've been alone all along

moon... 

your light still faint in my heart...

 I don't know it's going to be bright or maybe it's going to be extinguish..

I never thought before that it's really hard to release..

I just wish that someday God will tell you how does it feel..

ketika wanita jatuh cinta...

whew...!!!
hari ini dapet curhatan seorang temen perempuan yang lagi jatuh cinta sama salah satu sahabatku...

dia bercerita bagaimana kegalauannya...
mulai dari cerita tentang deg2annya...
kemudian cerita tentang seneng2nya...
geregetannya... berhubung masih paham lama ya...
susah buat perempuan bisa ungkapin cinta duluan...
hanya mengirim signal-signal melalui perhatian... jiaaaaaah...

ada sisi dari perempuan yang terkadang memerangi perasaannya...
menganggap bahwa jatuh cinta atau perasaan cintanya ini salah...
galau deh jadinya...

ga banyak yang bisa dilakukan perempuan selain "menanti"...
perempuan juga bisa menyimpan "rasa" bertahun-tahun lamanya...

yang bikin bete terkadang lelaki tidak mengerti atau pura2 ga ngerti ya...
aaaah... sebeeeeeellll...

tapi beruntung temanku yang curhat hari ini...
karena dia jatuh cinta sama sahabatku...
at least I will do something to her...
aku bakal jadi sponsor utamanya...
mendukung "rasa"nya dia...
semoga menghasilkan sesuatu yang baik untuk kedua belah pihak...
insyaAllah...

sejak kapan alih profesi jadi "mak comblang"...? hahahahaha...
tapi gpp... karena sahabatku ini dulu pun "mak comblang" antara aku dan mantan terindahku juga aku dan mantan suamiku...
dan dia pun salah satu dari bintang yang selalu menerangi gelapku...
maka aku pun inginkan yang terbaik untuk sahabatku ini...

wanita...
dibalik lemahnya...
dia punya kekuatan juga untuk menahan rasa...

sama ketika kini pun aku tengah menahan rasa...
kangeeeeeeen sangat...
tapi ga tau harus berbuat apa...
selain menahan rasanya di dalam hati...
meskipun rasanya sungguh berat berjalan ketika kita menerjang arus...
rindu yang tak bisa diungkapkan...
cinta yang tak terucapkan...
semuanya hanya dihati saja...

sesak...
ketika melihat dia ada tapi kita tak saling bicara...
hanya tetap terdiam menahan rasa...
dan aku hanya bisa menyembunyikan rasa ini dibalik tawa...

tetapi apapun itu...
wahai para wanita...
"cinta" juga mengajarkan kita untuk "ikhlas"...
ikhlas mencintai tanpa berharap...
ikhlas membawa namanya dalam doa walaupun "dia" tidak ada di dekat kita...
ikhlas berharap yang terbaik untuknya meskipun "dia" mengabaikan kita...
ikhlas menahan rasa yang kadang membuat kita terluka...

wanita...

semoga rasa cinta yang kita miliki kelak membawa kita pada cintaNya...

cinta... cinta... cinta...

inilah wanita yang tengah jatuh cinta.... :D

it's all about "heart"...

heart...

love...

feeling...

longing...

losing...

do ourselves can change all of these...?

it's not about the time...

it's not about who you are...

it's not about the chance...

maybe we are blessed to have all of these...?

I wish you could know what I feel...

I miss you...

I'm losing you...

and I know that nothing I can do...

It's hard for me to tell you that "I'm starting to love you"...

ya Allah...

really I surrender to You...

I don't know what I have to do...

do I wrong...?????

please tell me if I'm wrong God...

i miss you....

I'm just sitting here outside, looking at the fence for almost an hour and do nothing.. And remember that sounds of the laugh.. Yes.. This fence only.. and all the memories seems clearly.. I surrender to You my Lord... Astaghfirullah...

aku bukan wanita "cantik".... :D

betis masih agak kemeng gara2 sepatu wedgesnya si bunda winda...
hahahaha...
emang udah ga pantes kali ya pake-pake yang model begitu... :D

memang semenjak aku memutuskan untuk berjilbab...
aku sudah menanggalkan kosmetik yang biasa setiap hari melekat di wajah...
merubah seluruh penampilanku...
bahkan ada rasa tidak nyaman ketika harus dandan agak sedikit menor ke pesta...
entah kenapa...
aku lebih merasa nyaman menampilkan apa adanya diriku...

ketika aku memutuskan untuk mengenakan jilbab....
aku pun membongkar seluruh isi lemari untuk "cuci gudang"...
terbilang nekat... ga ada persiapan sama sekali...
busana muslim cuma punya 3 potong...
yang keseluruhannya adalah pemberian karena busana muslim yang kumiliki itu adalah seragam keluarga...
parah ya...? hahahaha...
tetapi tanggal 14 Juli 2007 kuputuskan untuk berkomitmen terhadap rasa cintaku padaNya...
sebagai bentuk pengabdian diriku padaNya...

tetapi Allah betul-betul Maha Pemurah...
aku dapet "lungsuran" dari mama 15 potong busana muslim yang tentu saja harus dirombak dibeberapa bagian...
karena mengingat badanku lebih besar dibandingkan mama... hehehehe...
yeaaaaay....!!!! akhirnya punya baju muslim...

semenjak saat itu juga aku mulai merasa malas menggunakan make up di wajah...
padahal "eye liner" dan "maskara" adalah kewajiban bagiku...
ga akan keluar rumah tanpa 2 benda wajib itu.... hihihihihi...


tetapi sekarang aku nyaman hanya menggunakan sun block dan bedak tipis...
sedikit lip gloss dan hiasan merah2 di wajah yang kusebut sebagai "aksesoris" alias bekas jerawat... :D
plus mata yang kelihatan kubil tanpa 2 benda wajib itu...
tetapi aku percaya diri dengan apa adanya diriku...

adapun beberapa perawatan wajah yang masih kujalani hanya sebatas menjaga kesehatannya...

seperti bagaimana orang - orang dapat melihat semua gambar yang terpampang d FB ku...
tak ada yang ingin ku tutupi...
itulah hidupku dan inilah duniaku sekarang...

seperti kejadian si betis kemeng kemarin gara2 sepatu wedges....
semakin meyakinkan bahwa aku bukan perempuan endel2 yang sibuk sama penampilan...
aku bukanlah wanita cantik...
inilah aku...
yang ga suka dandan sekarang... tapi suka dandanin orang... hehehehe...

ya Allah... 

biarlah aku menjadi wanita yang tidak cantik dihadapan manusia... tetapi semoga Engkau membantuku untuk menjadi wanita cantik dihadapanMu... dan aku ingin semoga pada saat tiba hari dimana aku berjumpa denganMu itulah hari dimana aku menjadi "wanita tercantik" sepanjang hidupku dihadapanMu... 

amiiiiin...